pACK tHAT uP...

I am walking with this Chicken Kottu Porotta in my hand. Chicken Kottu Porotta is shredded chicken, shredded omlet and shredded white flour bread cooked together to make a meal out of it, a pretty famous thing in Chennai, Tamil Nadu, India.

I have got some leftover; I have got it parcelled so that I can give it to a person whom I usually give food to, a guy who stays on the footpath close to my place. Afternoon I have wasted some food which is making me guilty as I am not used to throwing away food. I feel this is a compensation for what I have done with the lunch becoz I could only finish max five or six spoons of this dinner and I started feeling full. Anyway, I go to this guy. He gets so conscious of my presence; he immediately jumps up from his sleep. I give him the food and all he says is “Please sir, Please sir.” I don’t understand. Can’t speak to him in Tamil as well, I hardly know the language. I ask him in whatever broken Tamil I know “Do you want it or not?” He is still saying “Please sir, Please sir.” I am so confused. With great difficulty and after almost five minutes of struggle I he is able to make me understand that he did not eat anything in the afternoon and instead of saying “thank you sir” all he knew in English was to say “Please sir” and that’s what he was saying. I give a smile and return.

I feel satisfied but bad too. The lunch that I wasted could have been somebody’s meal, could have been this guy’s meal. But, I am a little relieved too. Finally, I have helped someone at least.

A story ends and another begins.

On the way back, I go to the ATM which is again very close to my place. The ATM security guy whom I have seen for two or three months now, is sleeping right outside the ATM. The first thought I get is about the irresponsibility of these ATM security guys. More than half of the times, you will find them sleeping. It is drizzling or maybe raining a bit more. He is shrunk like a worm, his knees touching his chin. He reminds me of my cat ­ Chucky ­ who used to sleep in a similar manner. But there is a difference. Chucky had much more luxuries than a poor human can have, at least more than this security guard, who probably did not even have a bed/cot of his own, unlike Chucky, and was sleeping over some sheets of newspapers spread on the floor with nothing to cover him. I understand immediately that he is feeling cold. Might be sick or something. That’s how the weather makes you feel in Chennai when it rains. However, I didn’t bother too much, went in, withdrew the money, came out.

I have left from the ATM now, moved few steps ahead, but I am still thinking about the guy’s sickness, thinking if I should stop by and check. And finally, I do. I wait, step back. Go to him. Go close to him, observe him for few seconds. I am scared too. Really scared. What if he is dead or something? Anyway, I gather up the courage and call him, “Anna (brother), Anna”, “Enna ayechch (what happened)?” “Have you got fever?” His body moves a little giving a sign that he is alive. He struggles to get up. And when he actually does, it is so bad a scene to watch. I find his eyes blood red, tears pouring down. Which makes it very clear that he has fever. A very very high one. He nods confirming that he has.

His nod has made me restless. I can’t just leave him like that. I need to do something. I ask him if he has a bed sheet to cover himself. He says he doesn’t. I tell him to wait for five minutes. I decide to give him the bed cover I am using. But I am still in confusion. Should I give him the one that I am using? How will I manage then? I’ll run out of one bed sheet. Quietly, somebody tells me within. “C’mon. It’s just a bed sheet. You have got some extras and even if you haven’t you are capable enough to buy some.” I agree. It makes me confident of my decision. I am in the house now, getting a pack of cake which was there in my room brought by Ashok (friend), a pill of paracetamol and the bed sheet, of course. I have left my cell phone and wallet in the house. Don't feel the need of carrying it, as the ATM is at less than half-a-minute distance from my house. I go to him, hand over the bed sheet and ask if he has had anything for dinner. He says he hasn’t. A stroke in my heart again. I think to myself, “Gosh, so much of food did I waste in the afternoon. It could have been two people’s meals.” The guilt is just eating me down. I ask him to wait for another five minutes, but I know the wait is going to be longer, he might lose hope of me going back to him again.

I have walked quite a few metres or probably more than a kilometre for all this now, and it is irritating me. I am thinking to myself, “Why did I have to bother so much?” But the guilt is more painful than the irritation. I keep walking towards my house.

I am in the room once again, getting my wallet. I start for the only possibly open eatery close to my place but quite opposite and far to this ATM. I walk walk and walk and finally reach. I am in the shop now, hesitantly asking if there is anything left, it’s already 11:15 pm. They ask, “what do you want?” Phew... I tell them to pack two stuffed Aloo parathas...
...Luckily, I have got the parcel in my hand within just ten minutes which is never the case usually. I walk, in fact run with it. I don’t want the guy to lose hope with this. I want to shout out, right from here, “Brother, I have got you food. Don’t worry.” These thoughts... They make me increase my pace more.

Finally, I am there, at the ATM. The guy is sleeping. I call him and he jumps up just like the guy on the footpath. He is staring at me, his hands joined, tears flowing down his thick cheeks. I tell him to eat it soon and then have the medicine that I have given. He is staring at me now, right into my eyes with his tearful eyes. It’s a killing stare. I don’t know what he is trying to say with that look but I am scared, I am feeling so so guilty. His stare is making me feel as if I stole his food, as if I stole so many people’s food. But I know he doesn’t mean that. I know what his silent eyes are trying to say.

I walk back, back to my place. I reach my place in another few minutes. The first thing I do is switch on my laptop and write about it.

I am thru with writing this in another ten minutes. And while writing, the only thought that lingers in my mind is that all this is about food, food and FOOD.

This incident has made my views stronger on wastage of food and hence this appeal to all you angel people.

“I don’t ask anyone to stop eating their 100, 150, 200-700 rupee burgers and junks. The only request I have is to give a little thought to this incident. Next time you want to throw that food away, just ask for a simple polythene bag, paper bag, insulated bag, or just a newspaper. Wrap it up and give it to somebody... PACK THAT UP... I assure, you’ll definitely find someone. Your leftover can be somebody’s breakfast, lunch or dinner.”

I am writing this with some thoughts striking my mind – should I share it with everyone? And I decide at the end that I have to share it. It makes me feel happy; it makes me feel that I am over with that guilt. Glad that I could help those two. I feel so satisfied. Really happy.
And now when I have shared it with you, my joy has gotten ten times more than it actually was only ‘coz I know that if not all, at least 5% of you will definitely think of packing your food before throwing it.

Spread the smile... :)

sMALL iNCIDENT bT mADE mE fEEL sO sPECIAL

i wAS mOVING aROUND iN aN aUTORIKSHAW tODAY iN CHENNAI. mANY oF yOU mAY bE aWARE tHAT CHENNAI hAS A bURNING hOT cLIMATE tHESE dAYS. i wAS dRINKING wATER fROM A mINERAL wATER bOTTLE & fOR d sAKE oF hUMANITY I oFFERED iT tO tHE aUTORIKSHAW dRIVER tOO tHINKING tHAT hE tOO mIGHT bE tHIRSTY. hE dENIED wITH A sMILE. aFTER A sECOND hE rEPLIED, "sIR yOU rEALLY hAVE A bIG hEART." fEELING a lITTLE cONFUSED i aSKED hIM wHAT hE mEANT. hE sAID, "I aM dRIVING sINCE aLMOST lAST 15 yEARS nOW. pEOPLE cOME iN wITH wHAT nOT iN mY rIKSHAW - bURGERS, sWEETS, pASTRIES, cOLD dRINKS, eTC. aND wATER fOR sURE. bUT nONE eVEN cARED hOW I wOULD fEEL iF tHEY eAT tHOSE tHINGS sITTING rIGHT aT tHE bACK wITH aLL tHE sMELL tRAVELLING rIGHT tHROUGH mY nOSE tO mY sTOMACH. tHROUGHOUT mY cAREER oF dRIVING, yOU hAVE bEEN tHE fIRST pERSON, wHO fELT tHAT eVEN I cOULD bE tHIRSTY iN sUCH hIGH tEMPERATURES. GOD BLESS YOU."

hOW hAPPY mAKING aND hONORING tHAT sTATEMENT wAS. hOW sATISFYING wAS tHAT iNDEED. rEALLY. iT gAVE mE A fEELING, aREN'T tHESE sMALL rEASONS, GOD hAS kEPT mE aLIVE fOR.

tHIS iS A lITTLE sTRANGE tOO. 'cOZ gENERALLY aUTORIKSHAW dRIVERS aRE rUDE, mANNERLESS aND rASCALS iN CHENNAI. bUT tHIS oNE wAS rEALLY gENEROUS, vERY kIND. aT lEAST, hE aCKNOWLEDGED sOMETHING.

wHAT lESSON I wOULD sHARE fROM tHIS iNCIDENT iS tHAT iF yOU tRY dOING tHESE sMALL tHINGS fOR oTHERS, yOU'LL rEALIZE wHAT sELF-sATISFACTION mEANS. i jUST cANNOT mENTION iT iN wORDS. yOU'LL hAVE tO eXPERIENCE iT fOR yOURSELF.

wE aLL lIVE fOR oURSELVES. tRY lIVING fOR oTHERS, jUST oNCE. dO iT fOR A dAY, fOR A mOMENT (oTHER tHAN fOR yOUR bOYFRIEND/gIRLFRIEND oFCOURSE ;) ) aND sEE wHAT yOUR lIFE eVOLVES iNTO.

sPREAD sMILE... sPREAD lOVE

rEMEMBERING cHUCKY

As I have already said in a previous post of mine, I have always found this compensation theory running in my life. So on one hand there is this bangingly happy news of Sis getting wedded and on the other hand it is about Chucky who has left me, Mummy, and Sis all alone for the rest of our lives. Chucky is no more with us. Chucky – my CAT. Some people may think it to be kiddish, but only my family knows how it feels. 'Coz she has never been only a pet to us. She was or actually is a family. Closest to Mom. She likes to sleep with us in the quilt, in the chilling winters of Varanasi. Morning she has to have a bowl of milk or else she shakes the hell out of us, only like an innocent kid – licking our foreheads when we stayed fast asleep.

And such a coward she is that she can't even catch a mouse. Chuckoo, I can still feel your warmth. I have carried you like my baby. Mummy, Soni (sis). Everybody has. You have not gone anywhere, and this ain't no philosophy.

Mum is always gonna hear your answers, that you used to give in your meow voice, to her questions. Baby I know you were suffering a lot, and none of us could get the fortune of serving you due to the situational constraints. The restlessness that I felt whenever I used to leave alone when you were a kid, is something that is beyond explanation.

I miss those cuddly plays that we both used to play, and how you used to hate getting your teeth brushed being a kid.

Baby, I just wish I had a chance to hold you in my arms, close to my heart, like I used to do, for one last time...

I LOVE YOU... MUMMY LOVES YOU... DIDI LOVES YOU...

YOU ARE ALWAYS GOING TO BE REMEMBERED AS THE LOVELIEST FAMILY MEMBER WE HAVE EVER HAD...

REST IN PEACE BABY...

bROKEN aND sHATTERED

Life has always played this game of "balancing act" with me. I get some good things happening in my life which are compensated by somethings worse. But the bad part is that it never happens vice versa. Nothing good happens as a compensation effect in my life.
I have an update for all. I was working with Ogilvy PR in Chennai earlier. But things did not go well and I ultimately had to resign. Was upset also because I had to leave such a big brand beacuse of a bitch boss. Had to wait for two months before I could get something else. And finally I am very happy to inform all that I have joined the grand company McKinsey & Company.
But as Fernando (a friend in Chennai) said, “Is this the way you celebrate your happiness”? I asked why he felt that way. He said that he could very easily find no trace of excitement in my voice. I said that’s true because that’s how I have become. If I seem like celebrating or enjoying something, it's an acting talent of mine. I always act. I guess it has become a part of my life. Because I lost all the excitement in life around three years back after an incident in my life which I will disclose on this blog only before the day I die. And Fernando got very pissed off.

The compensation theory has worked this time too. In fact, it has worked with a much higher degree than ever. I guess it only had to. Since the company is so big, the bang in my life also had to be big. Recently something happened that opened my eyes to something that had happened in the past. It has left me so broken and shattered that I have started hating myself. It has taken off my sleep since days and that is why I am writing this blog at 3:30 a.m. getting out of my bed after losing the battle with sleep. Suddenly I have lost my own respect in my own eyes. I am so shattered. The theories and principles that I used to believe in, have started seeming so empty. I feel exploited, used to the fullest. I feel like a rape victim - feel like the creepiest, dirty-most insect in the shittiest of the gutter. Mind you, I have not been molested ever. Just personifying things. I have a question for God. Was this much of suffering really required to make the man out of me?

Anyway, I am living with these truths, that everyday try their level best not to let that smile stay on my face.

I feel blurred, not able to figure things out. Really tired of surviving just for the sake of surviving. Really doubt if there is God, although I believe so much in him. Have I done so much of wrong? What a punishment. I can’t breathe. Feels like I am drowning in an ocean. An ocean which has no way out. No air - no air.

I wish I could rewind time, go back and change certain things. But I know I can’t. I will have to live with this, throughout my life and probably after that too. But I promise to myself, console myself that if there is any existence of a ghost or a spirit then some people’s lives are going to be a great mess. I promise to myself today that I take the responsibility of making their lives worse and make them plead like I am doing right now. I will make sure that this happens.

“All is my heart out, nothing is a lie….
For one reason I have lived and for the same I’ll die….”

hEY, everyone. Its been long since I have talked about Music. I was thinking over this since the last few days.

Recently, I was gifted a Mini IPod by one of my family members. Oh....!! I couldn't believe that I was holding that IPod in my hand. Just few days back, while traveling in a train, I had seen a Mini IPod in a passenger's hand. And right then a wish clicked in my mind that if I could also have a Music Player like that. And when I finally got it, I was so surprised that the IPod I had dreamed of, was exactly the same as the one I was holding in my hand. The same size, same colour, everything. 

Now, since the moment I got it, it was stuck to my ears and its been a month and it hardly gets out of my ears. I have downloaded a lot and lot of songs into it. I keep listening to it continuously. But you know what, i might be listening to all the commercial songs the whole day, but at least once a day I need to listen to something classical. It gives me so strength, peace. It is a kind of meditation to me.

Jus a request guys. Jus jus jus try once listening to something Indian Classical. Be it instrumental music, vocal music or Tabla recitation anything. And feel the difference.

Always remember. You might be feeling trendy while listening to your favorite Band of Rock music. But you can gain elegance, only by listening to our own Indian Classical Music, 'coz it makes you much more mature and intelligent than you can even think of.

Think about it.

wHY????

I jus wonder sometimes, why do we....

....why do we hesitate in talking about certain things in life! Is it because we think it will embarrass us more or we just don't have the guts to accept the facts in & of, our lives. Those words would just not come out of our mouth. No matter how hard we try. We try as much as possible not to bring even a hint of that issue while conversing, and even if it pops up, in between the conversation, we just try to direct it to somewhere else so that it doesn't make us fall in a false position. All of us have done it quite a many times. And, guess, will be doing it again and again and again....

Why can't we talk about and accept those realities of our lives? Does our EGO hinder the process of accepting those realities?....EGO PROBLEM???? Is it?

We don't understand. We just don't understand....that jus talking about it, might help Us and the person in question become better human beings. It might not get a broken relationship back to its previous stage, but it can help it get better. At least better than the present situation.

Yes, I have suffered great losses in the past just because I or my friends in question did not communicate well. We did not talk about some important things. We never even tried to. And as a result I lost them. All of them! Moreover, even when we talk now, we don't talk about those issues. Or even if we do, we modify the things in such a manner so that at the end of the day we stay in a respectful position. As respectful as we can!

Please guys, think over it. Confess, if you have done something wrong, if not now then later. But please do it. It may give a little peace and happiness to someone. Accept the truth and realities of your life. Remember, "It is better late, than never."

If you do it once, I bet you yourself will feel very proud that you made someone feel better today because of just a small thing. You will feel like a changed person. Believe me, I have tried it, and it gave me a new feeling. At least it gave me a reason to smile.

Try not wasting this life in only getting what you want. Just live one day for others, for somebody else! Dedicate yourself to him/her, jus for one single day. You might not be aware but it might be a great favour for them.

Talk....Talk and get things clear. Life has different plans for us. Do not let it take away all the opportunities....to resolve the problems and misunderstandings....

Jus remember, "....pEOPLE wILL fORGET wHAT yOU Said....pEOPLE wILL fORGET wHAT yOU dID....bUT pEOPLE wILL nEVER eVER fORGET hOW yOU mADE tHEM fEEL...."

Think about it....

....new blog......

Hey guys......i jus created a new blog....of my colej friends' group.......check it out..its meant for people with some respect for themselves..........

http://gangofhumans.blogspot.com/

....I m really upset today....

The Tabla Veteran Padma Vibhushan Pt. Kishan Maharaj passed away last night. I respected him, and loved him alot. Being a very straight forward and extremely moody person, people were generally scared to talk to him. I am really lucky that I got his guidance till 2-3 years back, along with my Guru Ma, Padbhushan Smt. Girija Devi. I had the fortune of talking to him without being scared of his thrashings which were normal to everyone who went to see him.

It was in June 1999, when my Guruma had arranged for a get together in her Varanasi residence and where Kishan Maharaj Ji and some other respectible personalities of the city had come. All of sudden Appa ji (Guruma), asked me along with my other two Guru Behen (Batchmates, Other disciples of my Guruma) to sing a bhajan. It was supposed to be a casual performance, meant just for entertainment. I did not bother very hard to present the bhajan beautifully. I just sang it. And also because of the other Gurubehans, who were elder but junior to me, the rythm got slipped twice. Maharaj ji was unhappy with it all. As soon as it ended, and Maharaj ji was about to leave, he called me in front of everyone. I went to him, scared, in a room full of atleast fifty people most of whom were very respectible personalities of the city. He said, "Are you out of your senses? Seems you have stopped your Riyaz (practice). Aren't you ashamed of what you have done?" I understood the matter instantly. He added, "You slipped the Taala (rythm) twice." Being a kid everyone could make out that I was feeling insulted and was just about to cry. Maharaj Ji could make it out either. He suddenly started speaking softly, and said, "Child, don't you have to maintain your level of performance. You must maintain the place that you have acquired in Music. And not only that but you must also strive to get higher than that." The crying face of mine turned into a smiling one when I heard him saying this. I couldn't believe my ears that Maharaj Ji, who is known for his daring nature and for thrashing people in Public, talked to me like this in front of everyone. I really felt blessed, which I actually am to have spent time with such legends.
The surprise was yet to come. Maharaj Ji was ready to leave and luckily I was assigned the job of dropping him home. As soon as we reached his home, he asked me to wait for two minutes so that he could empty the tiffin box of sweets, which Appaji had given him to take home and fill it with sweets from his home, which is actually a Banarasi Tradition where we do not return empty tiffin boxes or even utensils. As soon as he came with the tiffin box he said, "I have put two big Laddos (Banarasi Traditional Sweet), in your tiffin. See, I am not returning it empty. Tell, Girija what is inside." I grinned. Taking his leave, I touched his feet and was just about to leave when he stopped me again and said, "Child, Are you upset with what I said in front of others? It is just to remind you that you got to run ahead of not only others in the world but also ahead of yourself. You must not deteriorate from what you are." I said, "Absolutely not Maharaj ji. I belong to a family which has no Musical Background. Who else is going to show me the way if not You and Appaji?" I was really astonished to see Maharaj ji talking like this.
That was the most precious moment of my life. I was really surprised to see that aspect of Maharaj ji which, I suppose, is known to very few.
Your departure is a great loss, not only to your family, but also to me, my family and Sunanda Di, my Gurubehan (Sunanda Sharma - http://sunandasharma.com/ ) as well.
You are always going to stay alive in my Heart Maharaj ji. People like you can never die....
My pranaam to you....

FUN &/OR WORK....

Hi everyone....Let us get a lil sensible thereby talking sense....How important, you think, is fun with work in any office you work....Please leave your comments....

Hello

Hi,
This is me, trying it out for the first time. Please help me in learning more.